The Closed Door
by Kouzumi93
Summary: Oneshot Ryuki; Ryou is unhappy with his life and decides to try to end it all, but will lose the one he loves most without telling her how he feels. Will he get the chance to tell her, or will he die unknowing how she felt? char death REVISED JUNE 22,2008


REVISED SUNDAY, JUNE 22, 2008!

Well, this is my second revision of this story during its lifespan here on fanfiction, but I doubt that anyone has even read this in a while, so I don't really think that what I'm saying here is going to matter. If, for some reason, you are reading this, I thank you and encourage you to review as well.

It would be greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: Kouzumi93 does not own Digimon Tamers, most of the first paragraph of this story, which was written by her friend who she has not seen in over three years.

**The Closed Door**

By Kouzumi93

Ryou's pov

_Dear Everyone,_

_I feel isolated from the world as if…I'm a different species altogether. The door between my mind and the world beyond is always closed. That door is never open, and never really has been. When I open it a crack, I notice that I was right… I really should keep the door shut…forever. I never wanted to open it again, but I was always wondering if the world had changed after a few years…but it hadn't. Now my life has been revolved around keeping that door shut…for as long as I could. I'm never going to open my heart to anyone, and I'll keep my emotions bottled in my mind…well, that's what I tried to do…that is...until I met you._

_You pulled my out of isolation, made me realize that, I'm just like the rest of you. I know that I didn't really hang out with you at first, just because I couldn't let Cyberdramon go and destroy the Digital Word just because he felt like looking for a worthy opponent…If I had left him alone for more than 5 minutes, there might not have been a Digital World to be in and save. I didn't mean to make you all think that I didn't like you, so just know that I didn't hate you all. Things were just…too complicated for me, and still are. All that I'm trying to say is, I'm glad that I was able to hang out with you all and that you let me. You are some of the only true friends I ever had, and ever will have. I'm sorry that you have to know that the next time you see me I'll be dead. Yes, dead. I can't take it anymore, so I'm telling you right now that this is a suicide note. If you don't want to read the rest, it's okay. I really don't mind. I'm not going to say what the reasons are for me killing myself, because you all will soon discover these reasons. Goodbye to all of you, and hopefully you don't forget me…_

_Here is what I have to say to each of you. Takato - Thanks for being a good friend. I don't think I would've been able to make it this long without you. Lee and Suzie- I sure will miss you, and always remind yourselves that I'm always with you. Hirokazu and Kenta - You guys can have all of my Digimon cards. They are in the top right-hand drawer of my desk. Split them between yourselves, and don't fight over the cards. Juri - I'm sorry that you have to loose another person that you care about, but…I just can't stay any longer than it takes to write this letter. Dad - I only want to say that…I'll tell mom you said hi…Ruki - I don't know how to put this into words on this paper but…I love you…I wish that I could've told you this in person, but I know that you will try to talk me out of killing myself, but I have already made up my mind._

_By the time you read this, I'll probably be long gone. I'll finally get to see my mother after 7 years, and I don't want to wait any longer. I can't wait any longer for this time. My time in this world is long up, so just forgive me for doing this. If you can't though, I understand. I didn't want to forgive my mom for dying, but now I realize that, it's a part of life. I have to get used to it. If you want to die right now, don't do what I'm doing. Don't kill yourself just because you want to see me. You can see me everyday in pictures that you have, in your memory, and if you look at Hirokazu because he kind of looks like me a little. None of you should have to die yet. You only have to die when you are old and decrepit. I have to leave right now because if I don't, I will find something that I want to hold onto in this world, and I won't do it. I really will miss all of you, but I will never forget your faces, or your voices, and I hope you will not forget my face or voice._

_Signed,_

_Akiyama Ryou_

I ripped the note from my notebook, then picked up the razor blade that I had found in the bathroom. After that, I went down to my kitchen and placed the note on my refrigerator with a magnet, then left my house, leaving the door unlocked behind me. I had already planned what I was going to do. I would slit my wrists and then drown myself in the lake. If I didn't die of blood loss, I would die of loss of oxygen.

My body would probably be found rather easily, seeing as when someone dies in water, nine times out of ten, their body will float to the surface. Almost everyone in Japan knows who I am, so after I'm found, someone will go to my house, where they'll find my suicide note on the refrigerator.

I was almost at the lake now. Just a few more blocks and I would be there. There was no backing out now. I had everything ready, and I couldn't let all of that go to waste. I know that if I couldn't do it now, I never would, so I had to do it when I had the courage. I might not see the others ever again, but at least I get to tell them good bye.

Not in person, but if I did, they would all try to talk me out of it, then I actually might give in. I don't want to give in. If I gave in, I would have to keep facing my awful life, and I would get stuck in some fucking mental institution for a while, while the people there try to make me get rid of all my 'negative' thoughts.

Now I was at the lake. It looks so nice right now with the setting sun right behind it. Too bad that this is the only lake in town. I hate to ruin the scene, but I have to. I walked slowly into the water. It was so cold, but the colder, the better. I was only about knee deep, and I knew that I would see my mom in just a few minutes. When I was almost waist deep, I pulled out the razor blade. I smiled. This was the closest I had ever come to doing this, and I wondered how everyone would take it.

As I fell deeper into thought, I started to find things to hold onto in the world. When I realized this, I quickly slit both of my wrists. I dove under the water and swam more towards the center. I soon felt myself slipping away from the earth…from my body…into death…

Ruki's pov

I knocked on Ryou's door, only to have the door open up on me. I looked around outside to see if maybe Ryou had gone out for a bit and had just forgotten to lock the door. Sure enough, I saw him start to turn the corner at the end of the street.

I closed the door to his house and raced after him. Something wasn't right, and I could feel it. I lost him at one point in a very large crowd waiting outside of a store for a new game release. I thought he might be in the crowd, then noticed him turning another corner. I pushed and shoved to get my way out of the crowd, but he was long gone by the time I got out.

When I finally reached the corner and had turned, the only thing I could see was the lake that took up about an acre of land. The water was rippling towards the center, but there was no wind blowing to cause that ripple. There weren't any fish in the lake either, because kids used to fish there every day, and now there were no more in there.

"Ryou!" I called, but nothing happened. I decided I would have to jump into the water incase Ryou was in fact the one in the water. I dove into the ice cold water, not bothering to take off my shoes or anything. Besides, if they got too heavy, I could just kick them off while I'm in the water.

_If this is just a joke, Ryou, I swear that I'm going to kick your ass personally._

I swam to the middle, where I found him, but he was unconscious. I dragged him to the surface and called for help because I couldn't get him to the edge of the lake. A man suddenly appeared and came into the water to help me get him out.

We got Ryou out of the water, and laid him on the water's edge. The man told me to call an ambulance while he checked his pulse. I ran to the nearest house and the woman living there called an ambulance. I ran back to Ryou and the man told me that he might not pull through it. I almost cried.

The paramedics, put Ryou on a stretcher and carried him into the ambulance. I asked if I could go with them because I was the one who found him, not to mention I was one of his best friends, and I wanted to make sure that he would be okay. They reluctantly let me on, but said that I couldn't get in their way. I climbed on after them and the driver shut the doors, then we were off to the hospital.

At the hospital, I had to call all of the others and tell them what happened. In less than an hour, all of us Tamers were gathered in the hospital waiting room, waiting to find out if he was going to make it.

A doctor came out about half an hour after the others arrived, and he told us that Ryou had just barely made it. He was unconscious at the time, but he was still alive. We were all glad when the doctor said that we could go in and see him. But then he said that Ryou would have to see a councilor after he woke up to help him get rid of all of his suicidal thoughts. I knew that he wouldn't be happy to go to a councilor, and I think that the others knew that too.

We went into the room and we were all surprised to see the bandages around his wrists. I had only thought that he tried to drown himself, not cut his wrists too.

"I thought you said that he tried to drown himself? You never said anything about cutting his wrists." Hirokazu noticed. The others did as well.

"I didn't know either guys. I thought that he only tried to drown himself. Honestly." I promised them. They all turned back to the bed. "I just hope that he'll wake up soon."

"Me too. I'm sick of people dying like that. They never tell you that they're going to die, but then they just do and you weren't even prepared for it." Juri whispered. None of us knew how right she was…

Ryou's pov

I woke up in a dimly lit room. The walls were white, as well as the ceiling and everything else. I felt weak and thought I was dead. I was hoping to see my mother soon, but then I felt a hand on my own and saw that Ruki was sleeping while she held on to me. I frowned a bit and then noticed that her hair was slightly wet, as was mine. Then I remembered the lake. I had felt someone pull me out, but I couldn't hear the voice, or what it was saying, but I knew that it was there.

"R-R-Ru-Ruki?" I managed to say. My throat felt like fire to me, and I wondered if it was from swallowing so much water. She stirred slightly, but didn't turn to me. I was about to try again when her head turned slowly in my direction. When she saw my eyes open, she jumped.

"Ryou? Hey, you're awake!" She said as she sat up. I then realized that the others were there too, they were just sleeping. I wondered then how long I had been out, and who had saved me, but I could barely talk, so I figured it best if I just left the questions in my head. "Are you feeling okay? After what happened to you, you probably don't, but you still could feel ok..…"

"I'm…" My voice cut off before I could really get anything out. I tried again. "I'm f-f-" I nearly passed out after that because I fell into a coughing fit because I tried too hard that time.

"You don't have to answer Ryou. Don't push yourself too bad, okay?" she said in a kind of nice voice. I just nodded my head so that I didn't get worse than I already was.

I decided to rest a bit before I passed out because I was actually pushing myself to stay awake. Then I started to slip away again, so I forced my eyes open. There was one thing that I had to do.

"Ruki?"

"Yeah?" She looked at the clock while she answered.

Ruki's pov

"I…I love you…" I turned my head quickly, and Ryou smiled, so I smiled right back at him.

"I love you too." I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine, and our eyes locked. Then his eyes closed and I watched him for just a moment before hearing the most dreaded thing that I wanted to hear at that moment.

"Beep…beep…beep…Beeeeeppp…" the heart monitor went off, indicating that he was in a better place now. I let a couple tears fall, then smiled. He sure got what he wanted. He wanted to die, and he wanted to tell me that he loved me. But I was still mad at him.

The next day, the rest of us Tamers wondered why he would do that. I was the only one of us that knew that he had woken up and talked for a while before he died. I felt bad. I wanted to tell them that he was happy now, but I figured that I would let them discover that for themselves.

The reason that Ryou's dad never came was because he was away on a business trip in North Korea, and he was only coming back to Japan in a few days. He didn't even know that Ryou was dead until the hospital called his cell phone to let him know of the tragedy that had occurred in his absence. When he received the message that his son was dead, he came rushing back immediately. He was actually glad that I had found him and that he survived for a couple of hours till he died. He didn't want Ryou dieing in the lake and having no one find him for a couple days.

At the funeral, it was pouring down raining, which was the perfect setting for a funeral. I just couldn't believe that he was gone. I know that I didn't really like him at first but it was just too weird not having him around anymore. None of us had ever expected this coming when we defeated the D-Reaper. We all thought that we would live till we turned older, not as teenagers. I guess that just goes to say that you should always be prepared for the worst, and never think that you will live forever. That is the one lesson that we Tamers will never forget, and we will pass this lesson on till the day that we die, which could be any day.

Two years after Ryou died, Hirokazu was shot in the head during a holdup at a store. The next year, a wire at a construction site broke off and decapitated Kenta, for he was walking too close to the construction site and the wire slipped. Four years after that, Lee died because he was thrown out of a window at his apartment by someone who was trying to rob him. Takato died three years later because a car that was going 65 miles per hour hit him while he was on his way to work. Juri died the following month out of loneliness. Six months later, Ai, Makoto, and Shuichan were in a train wreck and were killed on impact.

And me, well, let's just say that I'm actually still here in this world that has killed all of my friends. I actually always thought that I would be the first one of us to die. I don't exactly know why I thought that, but I just always have. But now, I just stay here and hope that my time will be very soon...

* * *

I can be cruel, can't I? I killed off all the Tamers minus Ruki, and I killed them in such horrible ways. Especially Kenta, but I don't like him so that's why he got the most gruesome death. I want to know what you think, so now you must tell me.

Did I get anyone too out of character (Other than Ryou)?

Were there errors in the story that you found?

Is there anything at all wrong with this story?

Did you like it or hate it, or maybe even love it?

Do you have any suggestion on how I could make this any better if I would ever revise this a third time?

REVIEW PLEASE! I love reviews. They keep me going so I don't turn into a bum and do nothing all day. So review by answering the above questions. Ja ne, mina!


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